Vulnerable

It happens from time to time.
I lose myself.
Confidence escapes me,
Swiftly like the wind through my sleeve.
I’m left open and exposed,
But when I move my legs to run, I find my feet are stuck to the ground.
It can be silly
But it feels just as real.
It happens from time to time.
When this shirt doesn’t fit right,
Or when I forget how to say that word.
When I lose something important.
I swear I remember where I put it.
When I could have said something, but didn’t.
When I sent that e-mail too quickly.
Or without thinking.
When I feel like I’m losing the race.
I’m running faster but others are passing me.
When my students are without answers.
I explained it twice, but their little eyes are concerned.
When I hear the words others are saying, and they don’t feel good.
When that person is no longer with us.
I can feel them in my heart, but I’ll never hug them again.
When I just missed it by a few minutes.
Had I only…
When my head falls into my hands, looking for refuge.
When I can’t stop the tears from falling.
From frustration, from anger, from despair.
Like when technology fails,
Or I can’t open that jar by myself,
Or I don’t have the right insurance.
When I think I’m asking the right questions, but not getting any answers.
When I open up to you and you toss it aside.
Or pretend you didn’t hear it.
It happens from time to time.
It can be silly
But it feels just as real.
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